Nitro Hankinson and I had a candid conversation the other evening, one where limits seemed to disappear into thin air after several minutes of chatting. Sounding became the topic of discussion, an activity both of us agreed we found thrilling. For those that don’t know, it’s when you insert a long metal rod into the urethra of your dick, letting it slide deep into your shaft where immense feelings of pleasure erupt from it softly tapping your prostate. Hankinson gets off on doing it to himself and others, a lot. It sounds terrifying for many but once you’ve done it, you quickly realize just how intensely satisfying the activity can be once you’ve let go of any lingering inhibitions.
In a nutshell, it’s how many of the activities in the BDSM lifestyle play out. Newbies show interest, experience their first play session as a dominant or submissive, and then continue to push limits while letting mental barriers dissipate. Sounding or bondage are experiences that go beyond just a physical touch. “For those who get it, BDSM is a way of connecting on a spiritual and physical level,” says Hankinson. “The types of play that we do, and the types of activity that we do brings people closer with endorphin rushes.”
In the BDSM world, limits are sometimes non-existent depending on who’s involved. “The best part of being dominant is you get to make your own rules,” he explains. Those rules revolve around trust for Hankinson. Without it, his play sessions aren’t as intimate; they’re not as intense.
I had to ask Hankinson, “Do play sessions always have to end with an orgasm?” It’s what we all ultimately want if we’re sliding our dicks into multiple holes. This aspect of BDSM play might indefinitely steer interested individuals away. For others, the idea of cum-control adds to the intensity of play. “For me, a play session is about the energy exchange and the experience. It doesn’t have to end in the happy ending. You might be overstimulated and worn out. You might not just have it in you,” he says.
He’s learned the constructs of control from the best, traveling to events like Inferno, an invite-only play event where 200 guys from around the world converge for intense kink play. He’s done heavy bondage, piercings and more. He also dabbles in electrostimulation where he uses devices to stimulate the muscles in his submissive’s body. Taking it to the next level, he places particular emphasis on the genitals, for sexual stimulation. It all depends on the agreement between the ones involved.
“You can go for pleasure, you can go for pain. You can go for the pain that the endorphins are going to turn it into pleasure,” said Hankinson. “For me, I tend to play with people that I have a close connection with because the types of things that I do. We’re going to be bonding on a spiritual level, and I’m not going to do that with just anybody off the street,” he says.
How do you translate the art of BDSM play into love? Many on the outside of this mysterious lifestyle look at it as a form of abuse while others label it taboo. Neither would be considered a kind of love to those on the outside of looking in but within the BDSM community, each act itself truly defines what it takes to love extremely hard.
“You’re putting your trust in this person, whether you’re the dom or the sub. The sub is putting their trust in the dominate to treat them right at the end of the day and take care of them. The dominant is putting their trust in the submissive to give them that opportunity to take them on that journey,” he said.
His journey into the world of kink had its share of rough edges. Hankinson found himself in a year and a half long abusive relationship where the dark side of BDSM plagued him. After learning the good side of kink, he was able to escape and live a healthier lifestyle.
It’s proof knowledge is power in the world of BDSM. Know who you’re playing with and know what you’re willing to do and how far you’re willing to go. “You can go from fifty shades of gray bondage with a silk necktie to body modifications,” said Hankinson. “It really depends on what you’ve negotiated, what you feel comfortable with and what you’re curious to try. The imagination is kind of your limit.”
Take rope tying for example. It was the focal point of Southeast Black & Blue and ONYX Southeast’s “BDSM 101: Tying Things to People and Tying People to Things” class. They put these informative classes on once a month for those curious to take BDSM to the next level. You learn things like breath control, needles and piercings, spanking, mummification, nipple play, and electro play. Fair warning: it’s an interactive experience, so come prepared, take notes and get a little action.
It’s because of these classes that Atlanta’s BDSM community is one of the closest-knit in the country. Hankinson is always front and center looking to learn new skills and tricks to keep his subs begging for more. It would be wrong for me to call it his guilty obsession because there’s no guilt involved. He is, however, obsessed with the control. It’s one of the qualities a true dominant into BDSM will always be proud to hold.
“Love can come to us in a multitude of forms so never allow someone else’s definition of love define your own. You are allowed to make the rules that you live by, and that always includes matters of the heart. Never be afraid to color outside the lines,” said Hankinson.