How did you come up with the title of your book? How do you define “mind-blowing” sex?
The book is a mix of humor, feminist social commentary, and realistic, smart sex advice, which is a combo that for some reason doesn’t happen all that often! No one ever thinks to mix social critique in with the sexy stuff, but I think it works really well. Our sexuality is a product of the culture we live in, we have to examine both at the same time if we want to get anywhere.
Honestly though, finding a name that made sense was really a chore! Part of the issue is that all sex book names sound the same after a while. The whole genre has been tainted by meaningless magazine cover copy, so it’s difficult to talk about sex without resorting to hyperbole. We finally landed on “Mind-Blowing Sex: A Woman’s Guide” because I think you need to have your mind blown a little to have great sex. “Mind-Blowing Sex” is sex that expands the way we see sex, ourselves, and our lovers. I like to think the title is a double entendre that you wont really get until you’ve read the book.
Role play is discussed in your book. Tell us a little about that part of the book and how you came up with the different roles. Do you have a favorite role you personally like to play?
Role play is so fun and really so essential to keeping sex hot in a long-term relationship. I think people have this misconception that role play is really freaky and ridiculous but the truth is all you need to start role playing with your partner is have a role in mind and start a racy dialogue. You don’t even have to keep it going, sometimes my partner and I will start a role playing game in the kitchen that’s really just an excuse to get each other into the bedroom.
Personally, I go for anything that has a clear power dynamic, “Oh gee officer, was I speeding? Is there anything I can do to change your mind?” You get the idea!
The biggest misconception women — especially queer women — have about sex is ___________.
That it’s the other person’s responsibility to make the sex great. Great sex is less about who you are having sex with and more about who you are when you are having sex. It’s our responsibility to learn about sex, our bodies, our turn-ons and our desires. Once we know what we’re looking for it’s a lot easier to get what we want.
Why did you make sure Charis was on your book tour?
I fell in love with Charis Books when I lived in Atlanta. The apartment I shared with my girlfriend was right down the street from them and we stopped in practically daily. Most of this book was written while I was living in Atlanta, and whenever I needed a book for research I made sure to special order it from Charis rather than just getting it online. I firmly believe that we need to support important bookstores like Charis if we want them to stick around. Atlanta is so lucky to have a resource like that, it’s probably the thing I miss the most!
What kind of research did you conduct for your book?
Practice, practice, practice! My girlfriend did occasionally find it disconcerting when I suddenly needed to practice a new sexual technique on her in the middle of the day, but really, she had very little to complain about. The more social commentary parts of the book came out of my experience teaching Women’s Studies and the intense research I did during that time. I’ve read so many books on sex, I can’t even tell you. We have an entire floor-to-ceiling bookshelf in our apartment that’s just the books I read while I was working on this book.
Check out some of her role playing tips in this video.
Top photo: Diana Cage reads and signs her new book ‘Mind Blowing Sex: A Woman’s Guide’ on Friday, May 11, at Charis Books & More in Little Five Points. (Courtesy photo)