Owners: Established, rich gays
Pet Name: Arthur
Breed: Great Dane • Size: 100 – 180 lbs.
Elegance and power define our owners and their giant pet in the case of this affluent gay couple. Great Danes aren’t as suited to live outside as some other large breeds, but our couple has space to spare in the city mansion they call home.
Great Danes are fairly easy to train and are generally low maintenance despite needing daily exercise. Our two dads’ biggest pet problem? Keeping their Great Dane out of their California King so they can have some alone time.
According to the American Kennel Club, theses “gentle giants” were used for hunting boar, but now make wonderful companions and estate guard dogs.
Owner: Single lesbian cat lady
Pet Name: Abigail
Breed: Sphynx • Size: 8 – 12 lbs.
This cat-collecting spinster is ready to take her borderline hoarding to the next level: a cat that is part child. That’s how the French breed standard describes the almost-hairless Sphynx.
They’re lively, always underfoot and not nearly as independent as the cats our owner collected from beneath the deck outside My Sister’s Room.
Her Sphynx plays wells with others and is very smart, but needs a lot of attention and grooming, despite having a face only a mother could love.
Owner: Young urban professional
Pet Name: Beamer
Breed: Chihuahua • Size: 6 lbs. or less
Our apartment-dwelling and oh-so-busy young gay professional needs a small, low-maintenance city dog that could occasionally fit in an oversized designer tote.
His Chihuahua is a little shy around other dogs, but he’s the perfect conversation starter at the local dog park, where fellow dog lovers are on hand to compliment his slight frame—and his owner.
The chihuahua is generally devoted to a single owner, truly making him ever-present for an owner with those in-and-out boyfriends that punctuate our professional’s mid-to-late 20s.
Owner: Hip lesbian grad student
Pet Name: Audre
Breed: Russian Blue Cat • Size: 8-15 lbs. or less
Quiet, smart, independent and little need for grooming describe our liberated young lesbian owner and her precious cat. The feline is affectionate and playful with her owner, but notably aloof when strangers come around.
Thanks to the shape of their mouths, Russian Blue cats have a constant smile on their faces and even better, are known to be sensitive to human emotions: exactly what our budding feminist warrior needs.
Owners: Bear couple
Pet Name: Scruff
Breed: Basset Hound • Size: 40-50 lbs.
These big boys don’t need another beast in their midst. They’ve opted for a more diminutive puppy, a Basset Hound. Like their owners, their dog is live-and-let live with little need for extreme activity or playfulness.
His coat needs minimal care, but its face may need regular cleaning. And then there’s that adorable drool.
Like its daddies, the Basset House will find and follow a scent like a gay bear would follow a hot breakfast buffet, then returns to its stubborn, slow-moving disposition.
Pet Name: Paris
Breed: Silky Terrier • Size: 8-11 lbs
Like this high-maintenance owner, his pet is a little light in the loafers. It’s energetic, easy to train and friendly.
The breed is great for any living situation, but they do not like to be ignored. Regular brushing ensures the perfect coat and playtime helps quell their sometimes aggressive or stubborn energy.
Oh, and it barks a lot, but according to the AKC, their “true terrier” personalities and “joyful temperament” make them ideal companions.
Owners: Lesbians with kids
Pet Name: Rosie
Breed: German Pinscher • Size: 25-35 lbs.
This isn’t our family’s first day at the dog rodeo, but they need a new four-legged friend that works well with children, is relatively low-maintenance and easy to train. German Pinchers are devoted to their owners, keeping watchful eye on their activities and protecting them when needed.
Our two moms keep active, so the German Pinscher’s daily exercise requirement is easy to satisfy, as is the dog’s need for outdoor space: There’s plenty of yard in Tucker.
Text by Bo Shell
Illustrations by Mike Ritter