Here’s the understatement of the century: 2020 was a difficult year. It was a year of loss, hurt, confusion, isolation, and darkness for all of us, myself included. It’s been the longest year of my life — the time between now and New Year’s feels like decades — but simultaneously, the days and weeks have blended together so that months fly by in the perceived span of seconds.
As the end of 2020 — a day I sometimes doubted would ever come — rounds the corner, I find myself reflecting on this hellhole of a year and what all has changed since the clock struck midnight on January 1. Upon this reflection, I have come to this conclusion: we have endured so much change that was so inconceivable at the birth of the decade that I’m hesitant to be excited for the new year.
However, as I continue to reflect on this year and the anxieties I have about the future that unfolds in front of me, I find myself coming back to a lesson I learned from “Big Mouth.”
Yes, “Big Mouth,” the often horrifyingly raunchy Netflix show about teenagers going through puberty. As goofy and controversial as the show is, there’s one character introduced in season four that has resonated with a poignancy I never expected to experience while watching (warning: light spoilers ahead!).
The character in question is the Gratitoad, one of the horde of internalized creatures the characters interact with while navigating their emotions. Gratitoad is introduced as the enemy of Tito, the anxiety mosquito, and he reminds characters like Jessi and Nick to practice gratitude when they’re feeling anxious.
While I think this is an oversimplification of anxiety disorders and how to effectively address them, I do think there’s something radically healing about practicing gratitude.
I tried being grateful for the coming new year, the fresh start and the opportunities that come with it (like a new president and a COVID-19 vaccine). But something didn’t feel right about that, because I know there are some things that 2021 won’t bring. 2021 won’t bring George Floyd, Rayshard Brooks, Breonna Taylor, or Ahmaud Arbery back to life. 2021 won’t diminish the loss of 300,000+ lives to COVID-19. The truth is, 2020 brought with it tragedy that can never be undone; to pretend that tragedy will disappear with a new calendar year is irresponsible and disrespectful to those victimized by the most extreme hardships this year had to offer.
Instead, I find myself feeling grateful for this year. Yes, for 2020! I’m grateful for the life-changing lessons this year has taught me: that community is bigger than self; that the only thing you’re guaranteed is your own presence, so you should learn to enjoy it; that perspective gets you through hardship. I’m grateful to still have my job. I’m grateful to still have my friends and family. I’m grateful to still have my health. I know many can’t say the same.
Gratitude has such an innate healing power because it forces you to appreciate where you are, what you’ve been through, and who you are because of it. Feeling grateful for what you have — even if it’s far less that what you had in the past — reminds us that there are people who are not as fortunate who deserve our compassion and, more importantly, our help.
As 2020 turns into 2021, I urge you to reflect on what you’re grateful for: the lessons you’ve learned, the people you still have, the good fortune of being unaffected by 2020 in the ways you have, or the mere fact that you are here, right now, reading this paper. These are all things to be radically and intentionally grateful for. And as you practice your gratitude and feel the warmth and comfort that comes from being content with where you are, extend this feeling outward toward others, especially those who don’t have the things you’re so grateful for. Donate to the GoFundMe of someone from your hometown who lost a family member and can’t afford the funeral. Make and deliver food (safely) to someone who’s sick. Call your friend who just lost their job. Donate to one of these organizations providing COVID-19 relief in Atlanta and nationwide:
- Hands On Atlanta (handsonatlanta.org)
- Community Foundation for Greater Atlanta (cfgreateratlanta.org)
- Action Against Hunger (actionagainsthunger.org)
I know 2020 was hard. I know it was painful. But if you’re reading this, that means you’re getting through it, and that’s something to be grateful for. I’m grateful for it, and I’m grateful for you.
Goodbye and thank you, 2020.