For the Love of Pockets!

A victim of intentional or negligent actions caused by another person can sue for emotional distress or mental anguish. I think the stress I’ve suffered because of women’s fashion could constitute legal action on my part, and it’s not for the reasons you think.

I’ve heard of “mommy brain” in the past, a condition where a pregnant woman or mother who has a young child often becomes forgetful. I now fully realize that condition, because despite my best efforts I can usually count on forgetting at least one thing as I get ready for the day. Those include forgetting to put on makeup before going to work, leaving my normally indoor dog in the backyard for the day, and donning house shoes instead of proper outdoor foot attire. The condition is spawned by a combination of feeling rushed and making sure your kid has what they need for wherever they are going. Women tend to put their needs last in normal situations, but add to that a baby or toddler and that sacrifice is magnified.

At my current job, I dress up. I only wore jeans in my radio days, but I find my current dress pants are a different animal. My biggest issue? The pockets. Designers seem to think all women carry purses and thus never need pockets to place items. However, whether a woman carries a purse or not she still wants the ability to keep certain items close at hand. In women’s dress pants, that is close to impossible since the pockets are either too small to fit your hand or don’t exist at all. Because of my current attire and the fact I don’t usually carry a purse, my personal items like keys or a wallet are constantly in my hand.

The cause for emotional distress begins in my driveway, where these two issues collide. To be able to strap my 4-year-old into his car seat, I must free my hands and the easiest spot for items is the roof of the car. However, I become distracted enough in getting Mr. Carter situated that I forget to retrieve said items from the rooftop. I’ve driven off on separate occasions with my phone, my son’s lunch, and a wallet atop my vehicle. I even had to race after Katie Jo, where I had done the same while putting our son in her car.

Had I been given the ability to store these items in a pocket, as I would have with a pair of jeans, the subsequent panic and frantic searches would never have taken place. I also wouldn’t have been late taking Mr. Carter to school because of our gumshoe-like backtracking trying to find my item on the street.

Will I go as far as to sue these manufacturers for the extra strands of gray hair on my head? Likely not, but it does sound tempting. I would like designers in this new day and age of female empowerment to realize making a woman’s life easier rather than more inconvenient should be their goal. And the easiest way to start that initiative is by putting some functional pockets in women’s dress pants. That way our day can begin with a soothing cup of coffee or tea, rather than the consistent, “Oh, shit.”