Katie Jo and I are having a baby. It’s taken me six years to be able to write that sentence, and it still doesn’t seem real. But I am honored and humbled to say our child is due to arrive on October 7.

This process began in 2008 with our decision to freeze my eggs. However, after waiting a few years our first attempt to get pregnant was not successful.

Because of the disappointment, and the fact we had shared that entire journey with so many people, Katie and I chose to keep any further progress private. We knew we didn’t want to lose the surrogate we had so carefully chosen, plus I was already in my 40’s and couldn’t afford putting it off before we attempted another pregnancy. So, we immediately did it again. In October Katie underwent hormone treatment to retrieve her eggs, in November I went through the same procedure, and in December Katie repeated the process.

Let me just say that two women who live together, giving themselves daily shots of hormones in their stomachs, does not make for a happy household. Add to that the fact we were doing all this through the entire holiday season, you can see why it was the darkest period in our 8-year relationship.

But for our intellectual knowledge of what we were physically doing to ourselves and why, I’m not sure we would have stayed together. But the hormones subsided, we began to like each other again, and the effort produced a total of three viable embryos, two from Katie and one from me.

We transferred them all to our carrier in January. Knowing it was our final in vitro fertilization (IVF) effort, and that we had done all that we could do to have a biological child, we came to terms with the finality of it all and understood powers greater than us would yield whatever result was meant to be. That’s harder than it sounds, but we knew we were in a privileged position to be able to even try, so to complain about the results would be dis- respectful. We were big girls, and would handle whatever came as a team.

During the crippling Atlanta snow I was holed up in a Midtown hotel so I could make it to work. It was there on my phone, as I ooVoo’d with Katie, our carrier, and her OBGYN that I learned she was pregnant with twins. There were initial concerns about one of the fraternal twins being smaller than the other, but there was nothing to do but wait and see if it would catch up. It did for a moment, but during the seventh week its heart stopped and it was gone.

People have already approached us with sentences that begin, “Just you wait,” which is usually followed by the information that our lives will no longer be our own or that our finances will be drained. For those who undergo IVF like us, those events happen long before a baby is born. If there even is a baby. But our motto has remained the same: “As of today, I am a mother of a healthy 16 week old.” Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Through all these decisions, the trips to the clinic, the hormones, the embryos, the sleep- less nights, the nerves, the tears, the hugs, the hands held, and the loss of a twin, this little one has already defied the odds and is fighting the good fight to be part of this world. And Katie and I are here, with tears in our eyes and trembling hands, ready to welcome him or her into our family.

8 Responses

  1. Arielle

    Melissa – I am so incredibly happy for you. I have been following you since 2001 and love you to pieces! I hope you don’t mind that I shared your article on my blog. I am currently pregnant too but my husband and I struggled through infertility and there are many lesbian’s who blog about the same things you are going through. I wanted to put it out there for any of them who read my blog to find 🙂 I wish both you and Katie Jo a very happy and healthy 9 months and I look forward to the updates!!

    Reply
  2. Katy

    Melissa, as a long time fan and supporter of yours, I am so, so, SO happy for you! I’m also pregnant and due October 12, so I feel really connected to your story. I couldn’t be happier for your news and know you and Katie Jo will be amazing mothers.

    Reply
  3. Kristin

    Melissa , I do not know you and Katie Jo in “real life” but have a been a fan since the Bert Show. I am so so happy for you both and am thinking good thoughts that in October you will be holding your healthy baby in your arms. Please know that so many are rooting for you and your family.

    Reply
  4. Janimal

    Congratulations! I am a momma of two IVF miracles, and love hearing other wonderful IVF success stories. You have all my best wishes and love for a long and happy life together. How wonderful that we live in a time and place where medical assistance for fertility is available. Cheers!

    Reply
  5. Suzi

    Melissa, I listened to you when I first moved to Atlanta when you were on the Bert Show and I loved getting to know the city through the show. When I was lonely, I felt you were all my friends! When you left the show I was sad, but always kept up with you through your blog. I am so happy for you and Katie Jo. What a wonderful gift you have been given. Best wishes and many blessings to your growing family.

    Reply
  6. Sonja

    I have followed you for years. You have been the voice that so many look for and are so happy to hear. I am so happy for the 2 of you and your continued love and moving forward. Please keep your listeners updated as we care about and support you completely! Best wishes for you and Katie Jo.

    Reply
  7. dkw1975

    Melissa, I have followed you since the first weeks of the Bert Show. I have always admired your strength and your humor. I’ve cheered for you and cried for you for so many reasons in all these years. Today, the tears are all happy ones. Congratulations!!

    Reply
  8. Amy

    Congrats Melissa!!! I am undergoing IVF right now so I completely understand injecting yourself with hormones etc. It’s very emotionally draining and exhausting both physically and mentally. IVF is an exciting and nerve-racking experience. It’s exciting to know that it can work and so anxiety filled wondering “will it work?” My husband and I are so incredibly thankful and lucky that our insurance is covering it but for so many others that’s not the case. I am right in the middle of the first IVF cycle so I am very very hopeful that we’ll be lucky. If anyone has any pointers or words of wisdom who has gone through it please reply 🙂

    Reply

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