Melissa Carter

Melissa Carter: Confessions of an infomercial fanatic

Your vote comes in the form of your dollar: spend money on the things you find important and ignore the things you don’t. That is the advice my brother gave me years ago, saying anything I am offended by in this country should be punished by my lack of financial support. I have held true to that advice, and the things I tend to vote for without much thought? Infomercials.

Have you ever bought anything because of an infomercial? I’m afraid I am a sucker for those spots, and have been known to sit through an entire half-hour televised pitch on the weekends imagining how much easier my life would be with fill in the blank.

The latest thing I first made fun of, then sat through the commercial, is the Kitty Roo. This hooded sweatshirt has a built-in compartment for your cat, much like a pouch on a kangaroo. That way, if you are chilling on the couch or waking around your home, your cat can stay comfortably warm in her or his little pocket. Cat ears attached to the hood add appropriate effect.

Another item that almost had me picking up the phone to order is the Magic Tracks glow-in-the-dark racetrack. I saw this commercial many times over the holidays and wondered who would enjoy it more, my 2-year-old son or me. I mean you can turn the lights off, go crazy with wiggling the track in different directions and the lit cars will stay on the track! The commercial makes it look like you are having a rave right on your own living room floor.

One thing I purchased from an infomercial, and was quite disappointed with, was the OrGREENiC Green Nonstick Frying Pan. According to the spot, nothing sticks to this pan, not even an egg. That’s when the person on TV begins sliding the said cooked egg across the surface of the miracle pan with ease. Not in my kitchen. That pan is the worst in my collection, and requires quite a scraping no matter what I cook, and eggs are the worst on its surface. It sits in the drawer unused, unless I have no other clean cookware and am forced to break it out. Much like having to turn my underwear inside out, using that pan is something I would do but not admit it to anyone.

My favorite infomercial of them all to watch is the one pimping Flex Seal. How exciting is this product?! I mean, all you have to do is spray this liquid rubber anywhere and water becomes your bitch. And now there is Flex Seal tape! No need for a spray can or brush to keep in even the most stubborn leaks. I love watching that guy in his boat floating on a screen door soaked in Flex Seal. It’s a miracle product, really.

I understand that these infomercials are meant to give the impression that you CANNOT live without their products, and, for some of them, it just might be true. I didn’t even mention the likes of P90X, CIZE or Star Shower. So many experiences I need to catch up on! But before I open up my own As Seen On TV store, a friend recently gave this valuable advice: Melissa, change the channel.