Photo by Adam Carpenter

Peek inside Atlanta’s BDSM community, not all ‘just a bunch of freaks’

“Everything here can be used to inflict pain,” Wayne Brawner says as he gives a tour of his Old Fourth Ward home. Various household objects and art pieces begin to tell a story. One that says that within various homes and clubs scattered all throughout the city, Atlanta’s BDSM community is alive and well.

Brawner’s playroom upstairs is the real deal, though. There’s a sling in the middle of the room. A St. Andrew’s cross in the corner. A 1930s barbershop chair. A wall of whips and riding crops. A throne. A cabinet full of electrical devices. This is not a drill — but there might be one around somewhere.

Brawner considers himself a sadist — someone who obtains pleasure from inflicting pain on others. And he looks like someone who can do so convincingly. Barrel-chested, heavily tattooed, leather from head to toe, mischief in his eyes. Not everyone in the BDSM — bondage, dominance, sadism, masochism — community fits this profile, but it sure as hell seems to help.

“It drives me, it’s a part of my life,” he says of “the lifestyle” as he and other aficionados refer to it. “It’s created the discipline and structure to be successful in business and to be the man I am today.”

He was 15 when he took his first step into the lifestyle as he stood outside leather bar the Texas Drilling Company, now Highland Tap in Virginia Highlands.

“There was a gentleman walking across the road with these beautiful flamed tattoos up his arm, these tight leather pants, tight shirt, beautiful blond hair and these amazingly shiny boots,” he recalls. “I thought ‘That’s what I want, that’s what I need.’ When I walked into Texas Drilling Company, that’s where everything went, ‘Kaboom, here I am.’”

David Nelson, 52, was drawn to bars like the Eagle soon after he moved to Atlanta in the mid-90s. One night, the bar had a “Jail & Bail” fundraiser where someone is put in “jail” and has to stay there until someone pays their bail.

“My friends put me in jail, tied me up and started playing with my nipples with a riding crop,” he says. “It was amazing. After that, I was like, ‘Oooooh I gotta check this out.’ That was 18 years ago.”

Boxed in by terminology

While Brawner considers himself a sadist, he’s not in love with the focus on terminology. “I don’t like to be boxed in by a title because you know what? I’m a fag and I’ll associate myself with whoever I choose to,” he says. “I love a guy in a pair of khakis and whitey tighties and a blue dress shirt — that’s the biggest thrill is to take a knife and shred those clothes off of him and to unleash the animal that’s within him waiting to surface.”

Nelson considers himself to be a submissive, but not a traditional one because he has been in leadership positions in all of the leather groups he’s been involved with.

“I don’t consider myself to be a slave or a traditional submissive because if a master or top made a request that I didn’t feel was appropriate, I would say no,” he declares.

But he still considers himself submissive because of his desire to serve, no matter the situation, and because he’s “an endorphin freak,” as he puts it.

“One of the main reasons for BDSM play is the rush of endorphins,” he says. “When you’re getting beaten, when there’s needle play or the attention of electricity, the body is producing endorphins. That endorphin rush is so good…so fun.”

Not ‘all just a bunch of freaks’

There are many misconceptions out there about the BDSM and leather communities, many of which Brawner and Nelson are quick to point out.

“That we abuse people, that we misuse people. There are those in this community that do that because they don’t have the training,” Brawner says. “They read a book and think they know everything about our lifestyle. You have to live it to understand it.”

Nelson concurs, saying that the thought that they’re all “just a bunch of freaks” is misguided.
“Yes, there are some freaks in the community, there are some people that I don’t get, there are some people that I know that I don’t want to get,” he explains. “But that’s no different than the larger society.”

And it’s not just about the sex. “There can be a sexual component to it, but a lot of BDSM play is not about the orgasm,” he says. “It’s not sexual in nature — it’s sensation in nature.”
Nelson also points out that there is no “type” when it comes to the lifestyle. There are all socioeconomic levels, backgrounds and professions.

“I’ve known ditch diggers and high-powered lawyers, doctors and people that worked at the 7-11 and everything in-between,” he says. “It’s more the way you’re wired. That enjoyment of the endorphin rush — that fascination with the fetish lifestyle —is more a human condition rather than anything else.”

Seek and you shall find

Brawner and Nelson have plenty of advice for newbies to the scene. If you’re out and about, Brawner advises not automatically approaching the obvious one, the one looking for the photo op.

“Seek out the one that is quiet and silent that you don’t know how to approach, because that will be the person that you’ll learn the most from. Just say, ‘Excuse me but I’m new to this, I’m very intrigued, can you help me?’” he says.

Nelson says not to believe everything you see on the internet, as the logjam of information sometimes portrays a skewed version of what the community is.

“They need to go out to an event, go out and meet some people,” he says.

If you’re dipping your toe in, go to a “munch,” advises Nelson. A munch is a meet-up for those in the BDSM community, typically occurring in a public setting that provides a non-threatening atmosphere for everyone to meet and greet.

Or just go to the Eagle, he says.

“You can usually tell who’s into the leather lifestyle and who’s not,” he says. “They won’t bite — unless of course you want them to.”