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Topher Payne: Wherever you go, there you are

The Georgia Voice Editors
Domestically Disturbed
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Playwright and writer Topher Payne

The last time I took an extended holiday was my marriage to Preppy three years ago, so it’s established that I‘m only capable of setting work aside for my own wedding, which is unlikely to be a recurring event.

I’ve dodged several proposed vacations over the years, because I’ve always got a project which requires my attention. Plus, I think money is better spent on improving our home life. Granted, most of the money I’m talking about is my husband’s, but I still have opinions on the subject. Because I have opinions on all subjects. I am an opinionated person.

Preppy asked what was so important at the house that it should trump a getaway. I pointed out we really needed a new sofa. As nice as the trip would be, coming home to our beat-up couch would prove the money could have been used on a long-term investment.

Topher Payne: Hey, Bristol the Pistol

The Georgia Voice Editors
Domestically Disturbed
0

Playwright and writer Topher Payne

Dear Bristol Palin,

I heard the news this week about your return to “Dancing with the Stars,” for their special All-Stars edition. I’m sure it’s exciting for you to be going back to the ballroom.

Last time you were on the show, there were more than a few jokes at your expense, mostly in the vein of questioning exactly what you’d done to gain “celebrity” status.

We’re funny like that in this country — elevating private citizens (meaning people who did not specifically seek a career in the public eye) to celebrity status, following and debating their every move, and then bemoaning how much attention everyone is giving them. The Kardashians have built an empire on this cultural quirk.

Melissa Carter: A scorching Scrabble game rivals the record heat

The Georgia Voice Editors
Outspoken
0

Melissa CarterThe recent temperatures over 100 degrees brought headlines warning people how dangerous such weather can be. The intent was to remind people not to get overheated or dehydrated by spending a lot of time outside. However, no one gave warning about the dangers of being stuck in the air conditioning with your family, and in my case, taking part in an epic Scrabble battle.

My mother and I play Words with Friends online, so it made sense that when Katie and I went to visit her last weekend we would lay out the Scrabble board and play face-to-face. My sister, who also plays online, was part of the dining room table competition.

The game began without incident. I was the scorekeeper, listening to my mother and sister begin their ritual trash talking, as Katie poured the wine.

Food Porn #4: Playing it safe, with spices and sex

The Georgia Voice Editors
Culture
0

Food Porn

“Is it spiiiicy?” a man at the second meeting of the Food Porn Supper Club whined to the server. They were at Stir It Up in Little Five Points and the whiner was determined to find the blandest thing on the menu.

“Jamaican food is by definition spicy,” someone at the table said. “But it’s not all spicy-hot.”

Robert, host of the club, wanted to tie the whiner up and torture him with Scotch Bonnet chili peppers, the world’s hottest. Nothing annoyed him as much as people’s aversion to spicy food. He’d given up taking most friends to ethnic restaurants along Buford Highway, for example.

Melissa Carter: TV made me smarter

The Georgia Voice Editors
Outspoken
0

Melissa CarterI am a smarter person because of Made-for-TV movies. I realized this the other night when Katie Jo and I were sitting on our back porch talking. The topic of Helen Keller came up, and I began to tearfully recall the scene from “The Miracle Worker” where Patty Duke’s Anne Sullivan finally gets through to Melissa Gilbert’s Helen at the well.

W. A. T. E. R. Who doesn’t get choked up at that memory? Katie Jo.

When I realized my other half gave no reaction to my description of that pivotal scene, I questioned if she had ever seen “The Miracle Worker.” She had not, and went on to tell me she really wasn’t that familiar with Helen Keller’s life. I was shocked, but remembered that if it weren’t for Duke and Gilbert, I might not be either.

So much of my early education came from those mini dramas, which provided greater opportunities for learning than books or theatrical releases ever could. That’s because Made-for-TV movies came on one of the only three or four channels available then, and the lack of choice forced everyone in the family, and the country, to watch it together.

Topher Payne: In Mississippi, your husband could just as easily have been your cousin

The Georgia Voice Editors
Domestically Disturbed
0

Playwright and writer Topher PaynePreppy offered our guest room to a coworker in town from Miami, meaning there’s even more conversations than usual around our house involving phrases like “loss prevention” and “opportunities.”

“Opportunities” in particular is a major buzz word at his company. It’s a euphemism for “total fail,” but they’re savvy enough not to say that. But I’ve been with my husband long enough to translate what he means when he says there’s “opportunities” in our kitchen sink.

I’ve been spending my evenings playing Auntie Mame, which also sounds like a euphemism, but is in this case literally what I’m up to. As proud as I am of my career, I do hate it when I’m dressed like a lady the first time I meet one of his coworkers. But some things just cannot be helped.

Topher Payne: Peace and perspective, courtesy of a little flower power

The Georgia Voice Editors
Domestically Disturbed
0

Playwright and writer Topher PayneIt was a week ago, and I was at the Home Depot garden center, attempting to navigate the aisles pushing one of those flatbed carts while balancing the phone under my ear. I’d called Mama to ask for her advice about my flower beds. Not to diminish anything I’ve accomplished up to this point, but she made it pretty plain that this was the proudest moment of her life.

“Oh, Barbara,” Mama cried out to her sister. “Topher’s buying plants!”

Aunt Barbara let out a little whoop of approval and instantly suggested azaleas.

Melissa Carter: My mother is going blind, but her artistic vision remains

The Georgia Voice Editors
Outspoken
0

Melissa CarterMillie Pete is going blind. My 82-year-old mother was diagnosed with macular degeneration two months ago, and the condition is quickly taking away her vision because of damage to her retina.

As an artist, this has posed a serious challenge to her lifestyle, since the result of the condition is the inability to see detail or recognize faces. As the daughter of this artist, I have come to realize these past few weeks that is was through her art that I learned my most important life lessons:

• Shadows. My mother taught me never to use black when shading paintings. Instead you use complimentary colors to show depth to an object. As a child I saw shadows as dark places to avoid, but Millie Pete allowed me to see they are never as black as they seem, and that shadows actually help enhance the world around you.