Dr. Lulu filled the screen with energy the moment we connected on a Zoom call. She, rather ceremoniously, adorned her plain, white tank top with a beaded rainbow necklace for the occasion. Even before we exchanged pleasantries, she bubbled over with excitement about Dr. Lulu’s Angels Haven, Inc. and its upcoming mini-conference for parents of LGBTQ kids.
When Dr. Lulu speaks, you have no choice but to listen. Her passion and vulnerable, heartwarming story — prefaced by her background as a disabled veteran, former Air Force lieutenant colonel, and a pediatrician born in Nigeria — is captivating and inspiring to parents of gender nonconforming children. She received the Pioneer of the Year Award at this year’s TransLife Awards for her work.
Her pronouns, she told me, are she/her/#mamabear. #Mamabear accounts for her fierce, unwavering love for queer children everywhere. An embodiment of this feeling is her foundation, Dr. Lulu’s Angel’s Haven, a newly founded nonprofit dedicated to educating, mentoring, and affirming children who identify as LGBTQ as well as their families.
When her daughter came out as gay and then as transgender, Dr. Lulu felt deep shame and feared the inevitable social judgment that her daughter was bound to face as a trans woman. Those feelings, however, initially manifested as anger and denial.
“I did everything in my power, even as I was in my own closet, to push [my daughter] back in. I was like, ‘Listen, don’t do this. Don’t do that.’” Dr. Lulu said in an interview with Georgia Voice. “I’m Black, I’m Nigerian, I’m an immigrant, I’m a woman, and my ex-husband did exactly what I suspected. He blamed me for somehow ‘making’ the kid gay.”
In her doubt, Dr. Lulu turned to God. She prayed, asking God, “Why me? Why my child?” before she heard an answer to her prayers: “When was the last time I asked your permission before I did anything?”
Her worldview changed, then, and she began to question the beliefs that society conditioned her to hold.
“When was the last time society was right?” she said. “They were not right about racism. They were not right that they discovered America. They were not right that Black people are [in] shithole countries.”
In her work as a life coach and activist, Dr. Lulu works closely with parents of children who identify as members of the LGBTQ community and teaches them how to better support their children by overcoming their biases.
“My job is to curate words and teach the parents how to respond and not react to different things,” she said. “Also, because my kid is gender-diverse and because I now know better, I help parents understand the difference between gender affirmation and gender-affirming care.”
Gender affirmation, according to TransHub, is an act of social and emotional support by way of believing trans people when they share their identity and respecting their preferred pronouns and name, should they choose to go by a different name. Gender-affirming care refers to medical support, whether therapy, surgery, or hormones.
Georgia Senate Bill 140, signed last March by Republican Gov. Brian Kemp, bans several gender-affirming health care options for minors, including gender-affirming surgeries and hormone replacement therapy.
The affected procedures and care are considered safe and effective. They are endorsed by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, and the American Medical Association.
Despite the extreme limitations, Dr. Lulu says most children she sees are looking for gender affirmation, not gender-affirming care.
“The kid is not trying to have surgery today,” Dr. Lulu said. “They just want to go back to the sandbox and play.”
The Parents Supporting Parents Mini-Conference allows parents to connect and learn more about their children and other parents of LGBTQ children. Admission is $25 and includes dinner, two panels, a community resource fair, and discussions covering gender affirmation and LGBTQ legislation.
The Parents Supporting Parents Mini-Conference will convene on Friday, November 15, from 5:30 to 8:30pm at 250 Williams St, NW #1110, Atlanta. Tickets are available for purchase online via Eventbrite. All profits from the event will go to Angel’s Haven. Learn more about Dr. Lulu’s Angel’s Haven and the conference at angelshaveninc.org.