I’ve Got Problems … And I’m Not Afraid to Admit It

For some reason, society uses medication and therapy as a way to label anyone as unstable and an all-around crazy person. I’m talking about depression and anxiety mainly. It’s been going on for years, especially when we look at celebrities who’ve committed suicide because they suffered from severe depression and never spoke up for the help they desperately needed. Why? Would it make them look too crazy or too unstable to land jobs in Hollywood? Unfortunately, that type of mindset trickles down into the everyday, basic lives of regular human beings with bigger fish to fry than wealthy, successful actors and actresses.

It certainly made its way into my life, though I’m not sure if it’s more genetics than the constant pressure society puts on individuals to succeed and have the best of the best in all areas of life. I’ve got problems. Whew, and I’m proud to say I’m not afraid to admit it. I’ve been in and out of counseling, on and off medication, and constantly trying to pull myself out of dark holes that seem to plague every single day of my life, since I was a young kid. From my parent’s divorce when I was in elementary school to previous struggles with my sexuality in my twenties, talking to someone always felt right. I left the sessions feeling light like a feather, and I had better control over my life and emotions and how to manage the constant stress of surviving as an adult. Counseling and medication was a constant roller coaster ride with highs and lows, and sometimes I’d jump off the ride and swear I didn’t need it in my life anymore.

At one point in time, I labeled myself as unstable and crazy, and I was very open about my feelings. I’d write very cryptic Facebook posts alluding to how miserable I was, unhappy I was, sad I was and fed up I was with life itself. I think we all did or do it to get validation that people still care about us and want us on this earth. My inbox and posts would flood with comments of support and love, but deep down I still felt just as empty. I questioned dozens of times and still do to this day, why I’m needed on this earth and why my life matters.

These questions are the focal point of conversations during my counseling sessions, and I’ve learned I’m not alone in questioning my existence in this universe. We all spend so many years of our lives trying to understand why we were created and why we are allowed to breathe this very sacred air. For many, those questions are answered in time, and sometimes not answered at all. Without knowing our purpose, chaos and confusion can plague even the happiest of humans. But once the answer is revealed, harmony can blanket even the most chaotic mind.

Thankfully, I’ve found peace and understanding in my writing which I feel can help others. I still think I’m crazy and I have problems but I feel like I’m one step closer to understanding my purpose on this earth. Counseling has been a blessing, and medication has given me the ability to take every moment of my day and see it for what it’s worth, a chance to learn my purpose for living and breathing! For those who question their existence as well, it’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to need medication for mental and emotional stability. It all helps to give us a clearer understanding of what we’re here for. Never be ashamed for bettering yourself, regardless of what society says!