Aaron Malhiot

The Weekly Kiki: Catch-up Part 2! We’ve got two episodes to review for us to finally be caught up. A lot can and has happened in two weeks between Maury and Gene, so let’s discuss.

Episode 6 commences with the girls entering the Werk room after Mayhem Miller’s departure, similarly shocked as the audience that the long-anticipated Mayhem went so soon. The fact of the matter was, though, she wasn’t shining among this star cluster. Monét is concerned her humor isn’t showing as is Eureka for her, and Asia points out that her looks are hit or miss.

This week’s mini-challenge is identifying objects blindfolding using only their rear-ends. Miss Ru got these queens in here sitting on fax machines, eggplants, traffic cones, even a real-ass fish. While Asia wins the mini-challenge, I personally was far more entertained by Eureka just plopping her whole booty in that chair and Vixen using her arms to better direct her bum for optimum feeling.

For the maxi-challenge, the girls then organize themselves into three groups of three to put together and conduct a demonstrative and informative Drag Con panel on three topics: hair, makeup, and body. Blair, Vixen, and Cracker come together and do their panel on hair. Asia, Aquaria, and Monique form a group and do the make-up panel. Finally, Eureka sees no one dashing to pick Monét or Kameron due to Monét having been in the bottom for the last two weeks and Kameron being generally quiet and not out-spoken. Eureka forms a group with them, and they work on the body panel.

In the hair group, RuPaul is worried when the girls say they won’t assign a moderator, instead opting for friendly banter. Asia and Monique express concern for Aquaria’s communication skills, advising her to plan what she’s going to say rather than improvise. Both of these groups are seen off-and-on expressing worry for Eureka’s group for the aforementioned reasons, but also thinking she may overshadow Monét and Kameron. Instead, Team Body comes up with the catchy slogan, “Proportionize!” Not as catchy as “Miss Vanjie,” but still irritating the other competitors. Eureka aims to pull her teammates up, and there are few issues in this group.

RuPaul then walks out onto the main stage in this purple foil, pink tool fantasy, she’s feeling her oats, it’s great, but ladies and gentlefellows, someone please explain to me what she was doing with that purple foil lookin’ like it had been cut up and pinned on her by Derrick Berry. Ma’am, you need a new designer. Where is Zaldy? Did he pull a Mathu Andersen? Did Ru actually pull Derrick in thinking she got her hems together?

Anyway, celebrity couple Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon guest judge along with RuPaul, Michelle Visage, and rotating judge Ross Matthews. The girls come out to present their panels in front of a live audience and the judges. Team Body goes first, seamlessly inserting their “Proportionizing!” catchphrase and giving great demonstrations and advise for padding oneself into a womanly figure. The audience question throws them for a loop, asking the importance of drag in today’s political climate. Eureka confidently answers that escapism, expression, and community bring us together in a world where many feel they sometimes do not belong. Kameron blossoms, showing personality and a darling Southern twang, and Monét is launched back into the top working well together with Eureka and Kameron.

The other two groups, however, are another story, another author, another language altogether. While Team Make-Up don’t do too bad, a back-and-forth bit between Asia and Aquaria goes wrong when Asia begins to blow-dry her newly re-glued eyelash for it to dry while Aquaria explains that she is then added glitter to her lips. Team Make-Up had me wondering where the beef had gone.

Team Hair. Oh, Team Hair. So, they didn’t listen to RuPaul in consultation, and they proceeded without a designated moderator, although it seemed Blair might have tried to take that role, but it was loose. And sloppy. Blair can barely be heard making a peep over Miz Cracker and The Vixen throwing rough shade at each other and especially toward Blair from Cracker. The shade wasn’t funny, it came off as mean, and it was excessive. Very little was taught about hair, and when they finally get to their demonstration of putting a wig on Pit Crew member Bryce, it looks amateurish, low energy, bad! Sad!

For the runway, category is: HATS! I was excited for this runway, but the hats weren’t particularly interesting themselves save Kameron Michael’s bobbly space orbit hair and Miz Cracker’s hair hair. Eureka comes out and slays my entire life looking like a “dogtooth Carmen Sandiego” — black cape, knee-high black boots, body, class, sass! Screw it, the bitch won the challenge! Eureka claims the first second win of the season, and immediately after her first win to boot! I also enjoyed Miz Cracker’s lacy white dream. Monét was island church lady, Asia was an IKEA ad, I liked Monique’s hat, but that slit up the leg was too wide for me, I wasn’t feeling Aquaria’s gender-bending magician rabbit bit, Blair’s dainty belle look was boring, and while I liked Vixen’s creativity and direction, the garment looked horribly unfinished.

It was clear what group fell where in judging, hell, it was clear Team Body won as soon as they were done. Team Make-Up was declared safe, and Team Hair was in the bottom. Eureka, as explained, won the challenge, and her teammates were safe with her. Among Team Hair, Miz Cracker was called out for her performance but ultimately made it out safe. The Vixen and Blair St. Clair were left to lipsync for their life against each other to “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross, a song I’ve been waiting to see performed on the show! Blair tries to show her emotion and hunger to stay, but Vixen’s worked every corner of that stage and gave a great show. Vixen got to stay, and Blair, after emotionally revealing her sexual abuse story, is asked to sashay away.

BUT NOW ON TO SNAAATCH GAAAAME!!!

So we walk into the Werk Room, Blair’s gone, oh well.

The mini-challenge this week is of course, ”The library is open!” Reading challenge. The girls take turns donning a ridiculous pair of space-age spectacles (probably a leftover prop from the Climate Change Ball) and take turns reading the house down boots. What does “boots” even mean? While some queens had some killer reads, Eureka continues her winning streak and snatches the mini-challenge win for best reads. Really, she concluded with a group read of, “I can’t wait to hear your reads about me being fat!” Snatched!

And thus, the mini-challenge concludes and RuPaul announces the maxi-challenge is … *less appropriate pause* … SNATCH GAME! The game that always sets apart the professionals from the amateurs. RuPaul later walks in for consultation accompanied by Season 6 winner Bianca del Rio who had portrayed Judge Judy in her season’s edition of Snatch Game (spoiler alert: she didn’t win). Ru and Bianca go door-to-door with the girls critiquing and encouraging, but most importantly, they told Asia not to do Beyoncé. Who does Asia do? Beyoncé. Gworl. So, Bianca was a welcomed treat.

Fuck it, Snatch Game. LET’S LIST:

Aquaria – Michelle Ob—I mean Melania Trump
Asia O’Hara – Beyoncé
Eureka – Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson
Kameron Michaels – Chyna
Miz Cracker – Dorothy Parker (I’m sorry, who?! Surely talented for the gods but, WHO?!)
Monét X Change – Maya Angelou (Okay Chichi Part 2, but okay [How could she have known?])
Monique Heart – Madam Congresswoman Maxine Waters (360-degree bye.)
The Vixen – Blue Ivy Carter (Oh, you ain’t know JAY-Z’s last name? HIS NAME SEAN CARTER, Y’ALL!! BASIC AF!)

So fuck the judging — I’m the judge. Monique as Congress(wo)man Waters was sad. Kam as Chyna was okay enough to be safe. Cracker’s Park melted in that rain. Asia’s Beyoncé proved the curse ain’t just happenstance. Monét’s Maya was the opposite of Chichi DeVayne’s from All Stars Season 3. Aquaria’s Melania was E X C E L L E N T. Vixen’s Blue Ivy was crushed by Asia’s Beyoncé not knowing what in the literal fuck to do so she relied on banter with Blue that kept her from doing Blue. Eureka’s Honey Boo Boo … you know that sold albums, yeah?

Runway category was mermaids. I was most interested in the Pit Crew wheeling these bitches out in wheel chairs ‘cause their fins were too tight! But okay, the runway looks I loved were, in descending order, Aquaria, Monét, Kameron, Sharon Needl—I mean Eureka, and the rest were a grab bag of boring. I saw someone else say we’re just here for the Snatch Game, and they’re right.

So, winner of the Snatch Game was none other than Aquaria as Mich — Melania Trump! “Hello!” Well deserved, well executed, well referenced. Aquaria came armed with the memes, and for 2018, that’s the goal in this classic challenge. She sold it, and Melania in fact sold her pooseh well enough to end up First Lady of these United States, so it’s A MATCH! No really, Aquaria came out in oil-spill realness, and among two others that could have been political statements, hers was the only one that actually was political, and it paid off. Aquaria is the second queen to snatch two wins now.

Moving tf on, Eureka and Monét are safe, surprisingly Asia is safe with a mask on her face which I though with her justification was sick’ning, but alas, no repeat of Valentina. We’re left with Vixey-poo and Monique to lipsync, and GUESS WHO DIDN’T KNOW THE WORDS?! Monique, who also thought it wise to toss her wig of, like 1.5 seconds into the lipsync. [Insert Tyra Banks anger.] Vixen easily wins, throws shade at — OH YEAH!! Ru asked the top and bottom girls who should go home and basically everyone except Eureka said Vix, boop — the girls for having called her out.

Honey, the drama was thick. I almost don’t wanna review it and encourage you to just watch the show but OH HOOooOOooNNEeeEEeeyyYYYYyy! Vixen was under pressure, Untucked glamourized it, Monét, Monique, everyone was not feeling her tea, BUT THEN! Once Vixen is done rambling, her mama got up on the video support line and I ain’t heard a word the woman said over Vix catching the boo-hoo-hoos, quickly stifled by, “I’ve got a fucking song to learn ’cause I’m not about to let you bitches take shit from me.” Vix jumps up and learns her words but Monique didn’t and went home.

Rough. Is what it is.

Well, at least we can expect the drama to continue in the Cher challenge next week! Eek! Chad Michaels shows up in some form, so catch up!

We’ll catch up and kiki next week, but until then: Have a good one, good luck, buh-bye, good luck!

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